Introduction of RA2.0- Is the current manifestation of Ricia. She is now living not just existing. This model is characterized by a keen sense of rebirth and adventure that one could compare to a Phoenix rising from the ashes. She will now be living life on her terms. This is a stark contrast to the maiden model Ricia 1.0, viewed by many as open minded yet conservative (read caged) Source: Wikipedia.
Author: My friend, Mersha Ramsey-Louis
In my introductory blog, the concept of RA2.0 was briefly mentioned. I indicated that RA2.0 should imply that there was once an RA1.0. Simply put it’s the old me versus the new me. It’s the result after my defining moment transition that I now fondly refer to as my “portal travel” experience. I say fondly because at the time, it definitely would not be one of those things I stick my hand up in the air and say “pick me! pick me!” I didn’t think of my experience as that until one of my friends drew it to my attention. He said “It’s like you went through a portal and came out with powers.” When I did think about what he said long and hard, I realized it really was a lot like what you see in those movies when someone was falling through some wormhole from one world to another in outer space.
After falling off all social media platforms and limited communication for more than a year, I resurfaced looking “different”. A lot happened in that time period. My friend was evidently moved by the sight of RA2.0 and he sent me a message noting the change. I knew I was not the same but I did not realize that it was that noticeable. Soon after, I started receiving all sorts of unsolicited reviews, some good, some confused and some negative but most of them were encouraging. I say encouraging because ALL reviews encourage me and help me to know where I am in the scheme of things. Additionally, I soon realized that the “negative” reviews no longer injected the sting it once did, one I was accustomed to as RA1.0. In fact, I have developed my personal policy on the treatment of negative reviews and the carriers of them. People’s reaction to me started to change too. It’s like they are unsure, not knowing what to expect from me. My new found fire did not help me make new friends and certainly caused many of my RA1.0 buddies to stay on the sidelines trying to figure how to approach “this”. I get it.
Evidently, I was crossing a milestone in maturation. One I was not able to achieve all these years despite my greatest and deliberate efforts. As the days passed, the bitterness of my hateful years dissolved and I was presented with an empathy and love for the person I am. A person who, having strengths, weaknesses, nuances, good experiences and bad ones, survived and is rebuilding.
An awakening and an awareness of myself now causes me to take care of the whole me and every time the impulse to revert to my former version tries to override my newly awoken self, I am conscious of it and take a different course of action, one that is in alignment with my new self. I often find myself at a crossroad, asking myself questions like “what do you want?” “what upset you about that situation?” “what are you going to do about it?” I try not to suppress my initial emotion as RA1.0 was accustomed doing. I let myself go through the emotion then do what I need to do to make myself feel better. Sometimes, it takes me days, even weeks to get to a place of resolve. I liken it to great soul wrenching conflict because I feel like I am fighting mentally to see my way. I literally feel drained of all my energy. At my points of exasperation I try to ground myself to calm down, keep a level head, accept that the situation is out of my control and leave it. RA1.0 would never have done that but RA2.0, I now accept that many things are out of my control and will fall into place into due course. I even feel a peace about it.
Then some days it’s like a quick pull trigger. Bang! Bullseye. *Sips wine*.
Either way, I am learning more about myself and my path. I am indeed grateful for the opportunity. There is a saying, “weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning,” I’d like to say, “weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the mourning.” Why? Because if and when you allow yourself to grieve, mourn and accept your loss, your healing and thus your joy will come. If someone told me that in the height of my grief I would not have believed so I understand. Let me tell you, it will be alright. This is not RA1.0 trying to dupe herself into thinking it will be okay. This is RA2.0 saying it will be alright having warred with isolation, panic attacks, anger, denial, grief, losses, decline in health, postpartum depression, disorientation, disillusionment, identity crisis, snowballing issues, divorce, court, and many a flirts with the Grimm Reaper as an escape route. I continue fighting, growing and living and I continue to hope that everything will be alright.